I enjoy living in a truck. It’s simple and efficient, it’s a choice I made and intend to stand by. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m proud of living a truck, but I certainly don’t have a problem telling people about it (as evident by the fact that this blog exists). When I meet new people, it normally comes up as a matter of course, and I’m more than happy to talk about it and all the quirky things that come with it. That said, this installment of Tips from the Truck is concerned with knowing when truck talk is not appropriate, namely in the workplace.

Every once in a while, life will challenge you with a question. Not only does this question require an answer, but regardless of the choice you make, you know that it will have a profound impact on your life. Thankfully, it is infrequently that we are burdened with such decisions, but we must still be vigilant so that we may ponder and puzzle and appropriately pick a plan when the need arises. Recently, one of these decisions was thrust upon my shoulders, and it came to me in the following form:

Gnat nightmares, spider sadness, moth madness, ant anxiety, bug barrage—ok I’ll stop now.

I’m not a fan of bugs. Generally speaking, unless you’re an entomologist or earthy-crunchy type, you probably aren’t either. I’m not terrified of them by any means, I’m not liable to stop what I’m doing if a bug decides to drop by and say hey, but I’m still likely to exterminate them all with extreme prejudice before going to sleep. After all, nobody is trying to eat spiders whilst slumbering. I’m happy to say that I haven’t had any full-blown infestations recently, though it hasn’t always been the case.

One problem that you wouldn’t expect to have in a truck is losing things. It’s a single, small, essentially square room. There are no doors, closets, nooks, crannies, trap doors, false floors, drop ceilings, or hiding places to speak of. Everything should be well accounted for. In spite of this, I’ve managed to lose the following items, most of which I acquired on my first trip to Home Depot.

• Switchblade
• Screwdriver
• Roll of Tape
• Nail Clippers
• Batteries

I’ve spent an obscene amount of time racking my brain over where these things could have possibly gone, checking every crevice and corner and drawer (all four of them). Nothing within the realm of logic and reason can produce an explanation as to what has happened to my various belongs. It’s not like they all vanished at once either. They’re being picked off one by one, like they’re all characters in a horror movie, being tormented by a killer of inanimate objects. Naturally I don’t notice their absence until I need them, the perfectly inopportune time.

…or at least drive Class B vehicles. Also, as it turns out, licenses have a lot of personal information on them, and I’ve done my darnedest to remove any fun details, like where I “live”.

Anyways, I’ve finally done it. For those who don’t understand why this is exciting for me, let me give you a bit of background.

I drove buses in college. It was the highest-paying job on campus, which is what initially drew me towards it. But it was the flexibility, fun coworkers, and quick promotion to programmer that kept me there. The deal was that they’d pay you while training you to get your CDL license, and in return you’d drive for them for a few semesters at the very least, which as I mentioned in this post, is a pretty sweet deal. So I did my shtick driving buses and writing code for them for four years while I pursued higher education. Overall it was a good time, I definitely recommend it.