I did it.

And by it I mean sleeping in the box truck for the first time. I still have a corporate apartment until Sunday, but I wanted to try out living in the box truck, because at least I still have the flexibility of normal human housing, and this way, I could work out any potential kinks.

Okay, maybe that’s a little bit dramatic, once I was in there, it really just felt like being home, in my own bed. It was pretty comfortable, especially for a mattress that only cost me $99. The eventual goal is still to get a super comfortable memory-foam, fancy-shmancy bed, mainly because I feel that without a solid sleep foundation, the rest of my day suffers and I end up using caffeine as a crutch. Not ideal.

With the bed out of the way, I was ready to try bigger and better things. The next thing on my list was a place to hang my dress shirts and pants. In a real-world setting, this would be called a “clothes rack”. So I took another trip down to Home Depot, which is quickly becoming the most important place in my life, and I picked up some screws, a screwdriver, some clothes hangers, two mounting brackets, and a 6 foot long wooden rod. If I had done everything correctly, here is how the process should have gone:

One important part of this whole process is turning the back of a truck into a livable, comfortable space. I have a number of plans and ideas on how to do that, and I’m going to chronicle my attempts at turning them into realities in this “Home Improvement” series. This one is a super basic one, but hey, baby steps. If I plan on living in this thing, I’ll need a place to sleep, naturally. So I wandered over to Craigslist, found the sketchiest new mattress and box spring set I could find, and placed an order. Notice the word “new”, that’s super important, because I’m not in the mood for a case of bed bugs or crabs or whatever else you can catch from a used mattress.

So I’ve already laid out my pros and cons of why I’m actually doing this, but there’s another aspect to it that I didn’t really explore in that post, and it basically revolves around the idea of minimalism.

We do things big in America. We love our malls, our big meals, our bigger televisions, and our huge trucks and SUVs. We live in a time of unprecedented opulence and convenience, but that doesn’t come without its own issues. The main one is that it is completely and utterly unsustainable. I remember learning in a high school environmental science class that it would take the resources of four or more planet Earths if everyone on the planet were to live the way Americans do. We’re supremely wasteful and consumptive, and it’s a lifestyle our grandchildren will certainly not be able to “enjoy”.

When you move into a new home, a trip or two to Home Depot isn’t just likely, it’s inevitable. Turns out that holds true even when your new home is a box truck. Below, I’ve detailed the unfocused and wide-ranging list of items I found myself purchasing.

• Graffiti Remover. I didn’t quite find the truck in the most perfect condition. One tire was gouged pretty badly and the left side had been tagged up pretty good. The tire is all fixed, and the graffiti remover is surprisingly effective, but I’ve got a lot of area to clean - by my measure about 37 ft². A couple more trips to an empty parking lot to clean it and I should be all set.
• Work Gloves. To keep my hands from being coated in graffiti remover.
• Step Ladder. To reach the top of the graffiti, though I actually haven’t needed it yet.
• Rags. To wipe off and mop up the graffiti.
• Hornet Killer. Another pleasant feature of the truck, small hornet nests in both door crevices. Haven’t gotten around to taking care of this yet, mainly because hornets are terrifying. They’re like bees, but less fuzzy, more menacing, and can sting you until they’re completely sure you’re miserable.
• Rope. Until I start building/buying legitimate mounting equipment, I need a way to make sure big things (like the bed) don’t move around too much while I’m driving. I don’t want a few sharp turns or hard brakes to mean rearranging the furniture. I’ll post pictures eventually, but basically I tied sliding knots around the rails on either side of the truck.
• Switchblade. To cut the rope, and just generally handy.
• Broom. To sweep up the dust and trash that was in the back. I like to keep my truck dungeon clean.
• Trash Bags. To dispose of the dungeon dust and trash, though I actually need to find a waste disposal place in the area.
• Padlock. To lock up the back when I’m not “home”.
• Tape Measure. Generally useful, mainly for figuring out placement of shelves and furniture in the future.
• Battery Lamp. The truck actually has some built-in lights in the back, but I got an extra one for good measure.

The only reasonable theme to glean here is that I’m a serial killer. Between the rope, trash bags, switchblade, gloves, and padlock, I’m surprised Home Depot didn’t call the FBI as soon as I made it to the checkout area.