One problem that you wouldn’t expect to have in a truck is losing things. It’s a single, small, essentially square room. There are no doors, closets, nooks, crannies, trap doors, false floors, drop ceilings, or hiding places to speak of. Everything should be well accounted for. In spite of this, I’ve managed to lose the following items, most of which I acquired on my first trip to Home Depot.

• Switchblade
• Screwdriver
• Roll of Tape
• Nail Clippers
• Batteries

I’ve spent an obscene amount of time racking my brain over where these things could have possibly gone, checking every crevice and corner and drawer (all four of them). Nothing within the realm of logic and reason can produce an explanation as to what has happened to my various belongs. It’s not like they all vanished at once either. They’re being picked off one by one, like they’re all characters in a horror movie, being tormented by a killer of inanimate objects. Naturally I don’t notice their absence until I need them, the perfectly inopportune time.

Gnat nightmares, spider sadness, moth madness, ant anxiety, bug barrage—ok I’ll stop now.

I’m not a fan of bugs. Generally speaking, unless you’re an entomologist or earthy-crunchy type, you probably aren’t either. I’m not terrified of them by any means, I’m not liable to stop what I’m doing if a bug decides to drop by and say hey, but I’m still likely to exterminate them all with extreme prejudice before going to sleep. After all, nobody is trying to eat spiders whilst slumbering. I’m happy to say that I haven’t had any full-blown infestations recently, though it hasn’t always been the case.

Every once in a while, life will challenge you with a question. Not only does this question require an answer, but regardless of the choice you make, you know that it will have a profound impact on your life. Thankfully, it is infrequently that we are burdened with such decisions, but we must still be vigilant so that we may ponder and puzzle and appropriately pick a plan when the need arises. Recently, one of these decisions was thrust upon my shoulders, and it came to me in the following form:

I enjoy living in a truck. It’s simple and efficient, it’s a choice I made and intend to stand by. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m proud of living a truck, but I certainly don’t have a problem telling people about it (as evident by the fact that this blog exists). When I meet new people, it normally comes up as a matter of course, and I’m more than happy to talk about it and all the quirky things that come with it. That said, this installment of Tips from the Truck is concerned with knowing when truck talk is not appropriate, namely in the workplace.

Traffic is a strange beast. Sometimes it comes from nowhere at all, wreaking unspeakable havoc on your itinerary, eviscerating your plans with startling efficiency. Other times it’s entirely expected, and entirely unavoidable. In any case, nobody particular enjoys traffic (I certainly don’t), it’s an environmental tragedy, and it’s ruthlessly wasteful. By all accounts, traffic is a Bad Thing™.

Call it schadenfreude if you want, but on days when I’m not up at the crack of dawn, there’s nothing I love more than rolling out of bed at my leisure, lazing my way to the gym, hopping on a treadmill and watching the brutal commute thousands and thousands of people are enduring. It’s especially glorious because a large percentage of these people are, at a snail’s pace, traveling to exactly where I already am. And it only took me 5 minutes to get here. My co-worker came in today exhausted because commuting from his house, a 15 minute stroll not during rush hours, took him a whopping hour and a half this morning, for no reason in particular. It’s especially tragic because he still has a commute home to look forward to, which will undoubtedly be plagued by the same atrocities. I don’t have the constitution or resolve to handle such a soul-crushing experience on a twice-daily basis, but power to everyone who does.